Title courtesy of To~bu chan! *wink*

As each week of February passes, I'm more and more surprised to realise that I'M KEEPING UP WITH MY SCHOOLWORK. It's phenomenal. The only class I'm not doing hw in is Japanese! Hmm...I should probably rectify that. Anyway, I have high hopes that this means I'll be able to raise my GPA and send off my latest transcript to the colleges I've applied to so that they'll know I'm worthy! *sparkles*

I can kind of tell that once February is over, the rest of the quarter is gonna breeze by. After all, it'll be nearly finals week, and then I'll be going to Shanghai, and then it'll be time for Sakuracon and then it'll be my birthday and if I don't find out whether or not I got into college by then I SWEAR I'll have an aneurism.

I've really been letting myself go since Valentine's Day. I ate tons of chocolate, and then I spent this weekend eating like....eight bowls of Honey Bunches of Oats. And it wasn't even breakfast time. I need to curb my strange cravings and get back to working out, now that my trainer friend has recovered from pneumonia. *pokes the pudge*

Every day college comes closer. Every day brings me a step closer to being a legal adult. I just can't imagine how I'll ever take care of myself, even though I know it'll happen just because it has to. I try to imagine what my new classmates will be like, but I also try not to imagine because I don't want to be disappointed later. Imagination always makes things rosier, and I don't want my first impression of the next step in my life to be one of disappointment.

But is it really possible? Are Ika and Spence gonna come up to Oregon? Am I going to go to UW? Is the huge gulf that's laid between us for so long finally going to be bridged? I just can't wrap my brain around the idea of my old life and my new one meeting. It's a lot like when Eric came to visit Hawaii and he met Ika. I just couldn't reconcile the two images in front of me. Ika meet Eric? Impossible! God, to have Eric, Ika, Tobu, and Satari in the same room....it would boggle the mind...but it'll be possible next year. When I went to visit Hawaii a couple of summers ago, it was like I regressed into the person that I'd been before I moved away. But I don't think that would be possible with people from both halves of my life present. Ika would be just as baffled by the me around Satari as Satari would be by the me around Ika. Actually, I don't think Tobu would be surprised by much, since she's seen me at Sakuracon and I covered pretty much the whole gambit of my personality there.

*looks up* Is it strange that I feel guilty when I've typed a lot? Ika fills pages and pages of her notebooks with whatever comes to mind, and I know that Rainmelon keeps quite a few notebooks too, but I've never been fully comfortable with the idea. Especially here, since it's an online journal that seems to impose itself upon other people to be read. Just like I can't stay serious for too long without becoming anxious and cracking a joke to break the tension, I can't type for too long without making a comment on how much I've typed. I don't know if this is a negative trait of mine, or a neutral one. Sometimes I wonder about different people's motivations for writing in open forums like these. I think for me, I like getting comments but it's mostly an opportunity to let the people not actively involved in my life to know my general status. I don't like to talk too much about my problems here, more just about what I'm musing, or tasklists for future reference.

*crosses fingers* I'm gonna pray for my college admissions letter (I can't think of it as anything else but that, or I'll feel unwell) to come swiftly. Then, maybe I can plan a trip across the ocean to visit all of you that are my family in all but blood.

Okay, now I am going to stop myself, because I can feel myself getting maudlin. *crooked grin*